Surprises come in small packages!!!

Does anyone know what this is?  Well, of course, those who have had children in the last 20 years or so probably recognize it right away.  It's the ultrasound picture of a baby that is 8 weeks along.  Unfortunately, since it's scanned, the picture doesn't do it justice.  But if you were at the doctor's office during this ultrasound (Monday, July 23rd at 4pm to be exact), you would have seen this tiny baby (only 17mm long) MOVING around and it's precious little heart just beating like crazy.

The last two years have brought my husband & I much joy and also much heartache.  You see, we have been open to life and with that, life has come and life has gone.  From a  very traumatic miscarriage that resulted in my being rushed to the hospital for an emergency D&C, to 3 very small, unknown to anyone but us, missed miscarriages, where I tested positive for a pregnancy, but only to miscarry a week later. 

As I laid there and prepared for the ultrasound (which Joy Bayer would say was TOO INVASIVE for women to endure-gimme a break-now there's a crazier red head than me) I was literally shaking like a leaf.  I had known I was pregnant for almost 4 weeks and I was an absolute basket case.  What if the nausea just indicated I was sick with some unknown illness?  What if there was another lifeless baby inside of me with no heartbeat?  What if there was just a pull with a start of a yolk sack?  What if, God forbid, the baby is alive, but it's in my fallopian tubes?

 Believe me, I'm no doctor, but I know pretty much every scenario this little guy could possibly have been.  The doctor began the trans vaginal ultrasound and my husband held my hands.  I held my breath.  We waited as he found my uterus and we saw the tiny form of a baby.  I searched frantically, of course not breathing, to find the one thing that would seal the deal and allow me to finally breathe. 

Finally, with what felt like minutes, but was truly just seconds, I (and my doctor) found the heartbeat at the same time.  My poor husband, although has been through a total of 7 of these very early ultrasounds, still can not see it until it's pointed out!)  I cried out, "the heartbeat!"  I had tears in my eyes, and I could feel the weeks of tension slowly melt away.  There in front of us was a living human being with a heart beat that indicated what so many people struggle with in regards to early life-this living being is ALIVE!  Whether you believe it's a blob of tissues (with a heartbeat, mind you) or not, this is an actual living being.   A HUMAN being. 

We waited a few minutes, because the doctor said we might even see the baby move.  I really didn't care at that moment if it moved, did a jig, or turned a cartwheel.  I had seen the heartbeat and anything after that was icing on the cake.  So we waited and suddenly, the doctor and I both gasped (I just love my doctor!)and both said, "Did you see that?"  We had seen the baby move it's arm.  It was yet another miracle for me and my husband to both witness.  At that point, the tears just began to slip down without any control or care.  I just could not believe that we were blessed again with a life.  We don't deserve this life anymore than anyone else does, but we are blessed yet again. 

I thought by seeing this ultrasound I would continue to have peace and not worry, but each day after, I would question, "am I sick enough? Am I still bloated?  Do I feel too good?"  I asked my husband one day, "When will I stop worrying?"  He gave me one simple answer.

"When you start trusting God."

Wow.  My husband is awesome, and if you don't know him, you're missing out, because this guy is really an amazing follower of Christ.  He really tries to live out his faith daily.  I prayed for him for years to want to be a part of the Church and now I pray that I can have just a fraction of his faith.  But those words really hit home.  Because who am I to sit and beg God to let this child live?  God has seen fit to bless us with a child and I should trust Him.  No where is it written (or even taught, except by our "never be sad or lonely, life should be perfect culture") that life is 1)fair, or 2) guaranteed!

Who am I to think that God would extend my child's life one day just because I think He should?  Are my children in Heaven any less because I did not get to hold them or nurse them or watch them grow up? 

Aren't we certain (with faith & scripture!) that there is something better, more wonderful than life here on earth?  Are we not charged to help our spouses and children get to Heaven?   Then how could i be so selfish for one instant to beg God to keep my child with me and not with Him?

Of course, the selfishness in us is what causes it.  We can't quite grasp that Heaven is better (and God is more equipped) to take care of us than ourselves!  We struggle to believe at times that there really does exist a place we will all be offered when we die.  I do at least.  I don't know many people that really sit there and just firmly say, "I'm ready for Heaven-come on Lord-take me now."  Without a tad bit of reservation about what is on the other side. 

I know in my heart Heaven is real.  I have had experiences in my life that have proven that over and over and some of these experiences have even involved some of the babies I've lost.  But I must work yet again, on my unconditional surrender to the things I have no control over!  One day I will realize it's a lifelong process.

So you have my soap box and our amazing news. 

Yes, I'm well aware of how this happened, and yes, it was done quite on purpose.  My hip?  Who knows. God has a plan for that too.  It's perfectly fine right now and I'll take very good care of myself. 

No, I am not trying to keep up with the Duggars, I'll be 40 when this child is born, you do the math.  I'm pretty sure, unless God blesses us with triplets, septuplets, or quadruplets a few times, I'll still be quite behind them.


But I am excited for the journey God has us on and open to whatever He lays before us.  Whether it be joy filled moments, or heartbreaking moments.  We'll carry on with faith and trust.  & Hope.

God bless you and please pray for us.

The Completed Project!

Three of my goofy girls hammin up the new play set.

My two spider monkeys.

ME & Gi.  Lovin' their new play set.

The girls having fun.

Well, this is it!  The massive play set.  I told you it was enormous.  And they all fit in the tower.  Now that is impressive.

Seagull Entertainment...

My four daughters get along very well most of the time.  Tonight was definitely one of those such moments and I swear, if I hadn't been so exhausted, and nearly asleep as I sat so comfortably in my chairs outside, I would have run in to get the video camera to prove some things you just can't explain...

My husband, as you will recall, is building a very cool, very monstrous play set for the kids.  Well, at least the younger ones, but the funny thing is, the 12 and 10 year old have been climbing all over it, too.  (like I said, it's monstrous)

So today, no different.  He was installing the monkey swing bars (I'll have to post a pic sometime, because I just can't describe what monkey swing bars are at the moment) and the two smaller kiddos were eating a snack on the deck of the tower.  LOVE THE TOWER!!

Of course, in true 3 year old fashion, most of the chips wound up on the ground.  Then the two younger ones brought their lunch out to eat on the tower.  Crackers & cheese.  Well, once more, crackers sprinkled the ground below the deck.

Well tonight, while we ate at the picnic table, a HUGE flock of sea gulls began to fly in circles above the tower where of course, the two younger girls and the "big" sister sat eating.  Of course, the eldest daughter had total composure as she attempted to shoe the nasty birds away.  She actually began to cry at one point yelling for me to help them.  I tried to stop myself from laughing and be completely serious, but it was rather hysterical to see them yelling at the birds.  Once they realized the birds were afraid of them, it became quite a game.

The oldest began to caw at them attempting to sound just like them.  The younger 3 were trying the same, but didn't quite sound as realistic as the oldest.  Before we knew it, there were about 25 of these nasty birds flying around.  I suggested they hide from the birds and that started a very funny, and entertaining 1/2 hour of crazy.

The girls hid behind the evergreen trees and waited ever so patiently for the birds to land.  Then they would take off screeching like birds and yelling for the sea gulls to stay away.  I'm certain, once again, the neighbors were conversing.  Only this time, it was pure pity at my girls and their bizarre bird behavior.  I just sat there in amazement that an activity could keep their attention for such a long period of time.

They did gradually get bored with it and the seagulls either got tired of being tortured or found another unsuspecting home to invade with their nastiness...

Either way, I got a good dose of entertainment that lifted my spirits rather high... ;)

Playground builders...

Today I crossed something off my to-do list that I didn't even realize was there.  I learned how to use a drill and some other kind of electronic tool that drills the screws into the hole I drilled.  You can tell how skilled I was, since I can't even remember the names of the tools I used. I was thoroughly impressed with myself, although my husband kept spouting something about stripping the screws if I didn't bare down harder, or something like that.  He's so grouchy at times.

So what are we building you ask?  I will tell you!  We have taken on the enormous task of building a swing set, complete with rock climbing wall, slide, monkey bars and tower.  And when I say playground, I mean a monstrous contraption that puts park play sets to shame.  Oh yes, we're those parents this time... 

Seriously, when we went to 84 Lumber to buy the set, I was slightly concerned that we needed to make sure our children would fit on the swing set.  My children are huge.  I mean, to give you an idea of how huge they are, my 6 year old at her physical a few months ago was the size of a 9 year old on the height chart.  We noticed how tall the "tower" was, and determined that little ME who is 3, would be the only one who would be able to get up, let alone stand, in the tower. 

My hubby and I decided to order two extra feet on the posts for the tower.  Well, we might have thought a little too big, because I can stand comfortably in the tower now and I'm almost 6 feet tall. My hubby who is almost 6'2" could fit comfortably if he weren't afraid of tipping it over. Yea, we might have bitten off more than we can chew.  So now, the tower can be used to help planes land at the Lancaster airport.  It's so tall-I'm CERTAIN my neighbors will again make us the topic of dinner conversations once more.

Here is how those conversations might go:

"Well, those rednecks from the south are at it again."

"Good lord, Mildred, did you see that eyesore they're building over there?"

"My heavens, those people don't do anything small do they?  5 kids, and now a swing set contraption that an army could fit on?  Seriously."

Well, that might be the mild version, I'm certain until we either downsize once our kids move out, or my hubby gets transferred again, we'll be the topic of many a dinner conversation...  I'm ok with that.

The priest at my church once said most of the saints in our Church were crazy, so maybe I'm just creating saintly moments...  ;)

So we have almost completed the tower. It was fun work.  I am exhausted, and at 9pm we cleaned everything up, (it was still light outside! SO AWESOME!!) And my 9 year old came out and reminded me I promised to fill a million water balloons for school tomorrow. 

Well, darn it.  See, maybe I do things on too big a scale. I forgot all about those million water balloons.  So that's what I'm putting off now.  They are taunting me over by the sink as I completely avoid my motherly duty of filling them....

I'll be sure to post some pictures soon of our monstrous play set.  You will be awed & amazed.... I'm sure of it.  No pictures of water balloons, although since I did the same thing for my 10 year old 2 years ago, I will say you can visualize about 20 of the water balloons popping and spewing water all over me as I fill them. 

Entertaining as always here...

Pig Pen & First Base...

My DH is out of town this evening and tomorrow.  He's out catching bad guys.  Fortunately there was only one activity this evening and that was my son's baseball game, which, I'm sure if I had been paying better attention, would have been very entertaining.  The few times I looked up from the book I was trying to read, I did manage to catch my son doing several "entertaining" things.  We'll call them entertaining because I'm certain to other parents they were because they were probably chuckling and saying, "thank God that's not my son."

Don't get me wrong, I adore my son.  He is my only son here.  But sometimes I look at that boy and I think to myself- "There is NO WAY you came from me. Or your father, for that matter." 
Fortunately for me, though, I kept my nose in a book I was trying to read.  Which made me feel altogether crazy in another way because I am trying to learn more about certain saints in the Church and reading some of these books about them is enough to make me think I have the IQ of a squirrel.  Literally.

The book is called, "My Vocation is Love, St. Therese's Way to Total Trust" by Jean Lafrance.  It may as well be called, "An Intro to Astro-physics" because there is in no way any learning about St. Therese going on in my little world. 

I know what you're thinking.  Seriously, Amy.  You're at a baseball game with two of your daughters running around like mad, and your son who is at first base either shifting his cup around like it's a toy in his pants, or running around in circles stirring up so much dust he's making pig pen look clean.  Go figure-are you really going to be able to sit in that environment and "learn" anything you try to read?

Well, in my world, I say a stubborn yes. 

But it's no.  I did enjoy reading snip-its of her work and one day I will own her work myself.  But alas, the game did keep my intellect at bay.  (not that I don't have an intellect, right?)

The game was very long, very tedious, and certainly very entertaining at best.  Why is it, my son, who is probably one of the oldest on the team (most parents play their children up a league-ha-we're the opposite, we play our children down a league)is the one who is acting like the youngest?  If you didn't know he was 10 almost 11, you would think he was a third grader who definitely didn't pass a few years.  Affectionately we'll refer to him as "Binky Barnes."  You know the character on Arthur?  Yes, he's huge!  Well, my son is not huge for a fifth grader, but since he's acting like a third grader, he's huge.

The cup shift pig pen dance was just one act on the list of the highly entertaining things he did this evening.  There was also the ever presence of the three year old running around whom he kept trying to yell hi to.  I was almost tempted to go tell his coach that he has special needs.  I don't mean handicap, but sometimes I think there is something not right in his head!  Seriously-talk about ADD-  How can you have ADD playing baseball, but sit for 4 hours straight building Lego buildings, cities and other structures? 

Once he stopped trying to get his three year old sister's attention, he moved onto to bigger and better things.  Someone apparently (or so I hope) had sunflower seeds in the dugout.  Now, you know boys.  They're not just going to put some sunflower seeds in their mouth, right?  Noooooo.  Why?  Because it's much cooler and definitely a lot more fun to try and toss the sunflower seeds as high into the air as humanly possible and catch them with your mouth, that's why!  And of course, my son takes it to the inth degree, he will top everyone.  I just sat horrified as I watched this play before my eyes. 

Why watch and cheer your team on when you can act like the team clown and toss sunflower seeds by the DOZEN up in the air and try to catch them all???? Don't answer that.  It's rhetorical.

I know I might sound a tad irritated, I'm not really.  And to be honest, by the time the game was over, I completely forgot about his little antics on the ball field.  Mostly because the prayer I had been praying since before the game started was coming true.  You know the one,  "Lord, please let there be flash flooding so the game will be cancelled."  Yea, it happened just as the game ended.

Be careful what you pray for....and write those crazy things down your kids do, because one day, you'll be trying to recall what silly things they used to do to make you laugh, and you'll want to remember...

In a Desert...

I am writing today about something that has been heavy on my heart for many months now.  So much so that I've been actively seeking someone (I prefer a priest at this point) to seek direction from.  I'm speaking of spiritual dryness.  I feel as though I'm wondering in the desert.  Maybe you've been there.  I believe this isn't my first trip there.  I know we go through periods of spiritual dryness where we feel as though our prayer lives are lacking, God is no where to be found, we feel lost and confused as to where God wants us. 

I feel that right now very powerfully.  Sometimes I feel God places us in these situations, where we feel as though there is no where else to turn, in order to cleanse us, spiritually speaking.  But this feeling of wondering in a desert has terrible side effects.  I am grouchier (than normal) to my husband.  My parenting skills get a little shabby and I even begin to almost feel despair. 

Despair is not having hope and as Christians, we must always strive for hope.  God will not abandon us, but shoot-right now-I feel like He told me to hang on and He'd be right back and I'm just sitting here waiting on Him. 

It's the opposite though.  I think I've drifted off course.  I think I've let the light dim and I've lost the way.  I believe with my whole heart that He is there waiting with arms stretched out waiting for me to return from this abyss I feel I'm sinking in.

Sometimes I can get caught up in the "me" of who I am and who God created me to be.  I can get very self absorbed and only see what is right in front of the mirror.  Me.  I can let difficult times lead me in that direction.  I struggle with this, as I'm sure many of us do from time to time.  Whoa is me.  This is so hard for me.  Why is God doing this to me?  Why won't God answer me...  And so on and so on.  It can get down right pathetic.

But this has been a rather ridiculous year in the struggle department and I have truly sought to seek only God's way in all of it.  I have fallen a bit, but have been lifted up by various people God has placed in my life in just the right times.  I have found that if I give myself completely to God, I feel His presence in a much greater sense. 

But the last few months I have found myself struggling in my prayer life.  I can almost pinpoint the time I began to drift.  I began to question where God wanted me and suddenly became very worried that I wasn't doing His will.  I was doing Amy's will.  (which I try to do often).  I panicked and therefore set the ball in motion on a spiral down hill very fast and that is where I am today.

It's funny how I've prayed for someone to speak to and every time I think God is leading in one direction, the door closes.  I guess that's not "funny," but definitely me trying to surrender to God's plan.  I have such a hard time surrendering that I believe this is a part of what He wants from me.  Total surrender.  I thought I had surrendered to Him when my hip issues started up and perhaps I did to an extent.  I certainly surrendered physically, but emotionally, mentally, and spiritually?  I don't think God causes bad things to happen, but I do believe He sets the bar very high when you let Him into your life.  Completely. 

I have always struggled with being in control. I am a type A personality first born who does not like to lose any control over anything in my life and perhaps now more then ever that I am trying to surrender completely, He is purging those desires of my heart to be in control.  It is HARD.  I have my own desires and wants and the very selfish, controlling part of me begins to think that perhaps God doesn't love me because my wants and desires are not important to Him.  Which is silly because He loves me and of course things I would like and desire are important to Him but maybe they are just not what I need right now. 

That is where I struggle.  Letting myself believe God loves me even though things don't seem to going how "I" envisioned them. 

So where do I go from here?  Where does God want me to be?  I have no idea.  I will keep praying for that person God wants in my life to help me discern.  I will keep praying even though I feel like my prayers are empty right now.  I will keep going on because no where in the bible did God say it was going to be easy to do the right thing. 

I will keep wondering in the desert until I find God again.  He's there, I just have to keep walking. 

Ice Cream

Does anyone else out there love ice cream as much as I do?  I doubt it, but you can try to convince me you do.  Did you ever work at Baskin Robbins and mess up on orders just so you could eat them?  I didn't think so...

My obsession for ice cream has been around probably since birth, but I don't remember it as well as I do when I was a teenager working at the 31 ice cream flavor store (which by the way, they never had 31 flavors at once, but they did come close).  I would LOVE working the night and weekend shifts because the owner wasn't there and he hadn't wised up on us ice cream addicts and installed a camera yet. 
The night and weekend manager was more concerned with finding various ways to ask me out then to worry about what kind of ice cream I would conveniently scoop into a cup and then pour mounds and mounds of steaming hot fudge all over until it was a melted mess and I devoured it. 

Guess eating like a pig wasn't a turn off either, cause he didn't take hints too well about my dis-interest in him.

But ice cream has truly been one of my most favorite of the four food groups. Yes, ice cream is in the four food groups.  Dairy??? 

I can honestly say I have probably eaten my weight in ice cream. 

It's the sole reason I exercise and if you don't believe me-ask my husband.  He's the same way.  He gets ice cream envy when I eat it when he's out of town.  Which is what I did tonight. 

What's the phrase?  When the cats away the mouse will eat ice cream?  Yes, that's it.

I would probably be a tad more fit and defined if I cut back on my ice cream eating.  I mean, for the 40+ days of Lent I gave it up and actually lost a few pounds. My husband would say after Easter I found them....

I had a terrible adjustment though once we moved to New York.  They didn't sell Yarnell's frozen yogurt up here.  And for a very good reason, it was an Arkansas company, that I guess couldn't compete with the likes of Perry's ice cream up here.  But Yarnell's had fat free frozen yogurt that was OUT OF THIS WORLD.

See the yogurt?  That was our FAVORITE!!

OK, seriously, do you want to know how much of it my husband and I ate when we lived in Arkansas? 

Enough Yarnell's frozen yogurt that when we moved a little over two years ago, the company apparently started feeling the pinch, and last summer it-WENT OUT OF BUSINESS.

My husband and I single handedly shut the company down when we moved.

I would buy 2-3 tubs every week at the store, people. 

That's not a normal amount for just 2 people.  That's a tad extreme. 

So now I've found a very expensive, definitely fatter alternative.  It's Perry's frozen yogurt alright, but it's not healthy in any way shape or form. It's called peanut butter chip.  It has huge chunks of peanut butter and fudge "flakes" all over (we call them chocolate chips in the south). It's divine and I ate the rest of the half gallon tonight to celebrate the fact that although my hubby is out of town, I survived getting one child to piano and another child to a baseball game and fed 4 of them in a 15 minute span and then spent the next two hours praying the sky would open up and end the ball game.

Well, the sky did just the opposite and stopped raining and I had to sit there in the back of my van, shivering because it's MAY and I refuse to wear a coat and jeans while I watched two of my girls run around with two other rug rats and get extremely filthy while my boy played a decent game of baseball...

The ice cream was well deserved this evening.

This is the BEST.  (I have 3 of these in my freezer)

Long Time no see...

I did it again.  I started out so well.  I kept to my discipline of writing every day, or at least every other day.  But inevitably, I put it off one day, and another and before you know it, a week has gone by...

I have nothing exciting to tell you except that I'm still here.  I'm still as crazy as ever and my children are as nutty as ever, too...

Tomorrow there will be a story.  I'm sure of it...

Little ME...

Little ME is my youngest child.  She's 3 1/2 going on 16 and believe me, everyone in the house would concur with me on that analysis...

Today little ME had speech.  She has taken speech since she was 2 years old and had a vocabulary of a 12 month old.  Today she is talking up a storm and there are even days when she tells me, "I don't need speech anymore."  But she only says that because it's causing her to leave a friend's house early, or her to stop playing with something that is far more important than just talking to some woman...

But she still needs speech because there are words she can not pronounce and she's starting a lovely lisp habit which isn't entirely uncommon at this age, but because she has had prior problems, she will continue to receive services next school year.

Well, today she was telling her speech teacher about fish.  Then suddenly she burst into this amazing story about being a fish and swimming in Mrs. Thein's pool and how she would wear her Ariel bathing suit, but she wouldn't be exactly like her because her feet wouldn't do this-  this is where she takes her legs, sticks them together on the table and says, "you know, cause I'm not a real mermaid you know."

Her teacher and I were speechless as we both silently laughed until our bodies were shaking and tears were rolling down our faces.

Cause she's not a real mermaid, you know...

My little mermaid... Easter dress, snow coat and boots...

Perfect Peace...

There is a great song out there in the Christian world of music called, "Perfect Peace."  The lyrics are what make it so very perfect. 

It's by Laura Story and I've had it on my itunes account for a while now, but for some reason, today the lyrics really struck me.  God is like that when it comes to music and me.  I am head over heels in love with Christian music and some days there will be a song that speaks volumes to me.  I know it could be all the storms going on in my life right now, or it could just be God needed me to hear the words for the first time today.  But I hope if you're having storms in your life right now, you'll stop and listen.  God is there for you, and if you hide in Him, He'll give you so much!!
Stay close by my side.
Keep your eyes on me.
Though this life is hard,
I will give you perfect peace.

In this time of trial.
Pain that no one sees.
Trust me when I say,
I will give you perfect peace.

And you'll never walk alone.
And you'll never be in need.
Though I may not calm the storms around you,
You can hide in me.

Burdens that you bare.
Offer no relief.
Let me bare your load.
Cause I will give you perfect peace.

Stay close by my side.
And you'll never walk alone.
Keep your eyes on me,
and you'll never be in need.

Though this life is hard,
know that I will always give you perfect peace.

I will give you perfect peace.

Here is the you tube song for you to enjoy as well.  Whether you believe it or not, God is there for you.  He may not calm the storm around you, but if you truly give yourself to Him, He will give you perfect peace. 

A teenager in love....

October 26, 1996. Two kids tied the knot.

I am about as madly in love with my husband as I was the day I met him on January 20, 1992.  I was a goofy 18 year old then and I think there is still a goofy 18 year old in me today...A teenager!  A teenager in love, no less!!  I have been giddy all day thinking about seeing my wonderful hubby.  I could say it was the delicious frozen caramel that has activated a tad of hyperactivity in me due to the large amounts of coffee in it, but I think there's more to it.

Seriously, when I met my husband over 20 years ago, I knew I was going to marry him.  I could say I was one those girls who went to college to get her M.R.S. but it was more than that.  I went skiing with a mutual friend of ours and he and I neither one knew how to ski to save our lives and of course that set the course for a common mutuality and likeness. I mean, who isn't attracted to someone who's willing to strap on long slicker than pig snot sticks to either foot and attempt to use poles to "guide" ourselves down a mountain that appears much larger from the top then it did from the bottom? 

I had guts, but I also had a really super handsome (taller than me!) fella who was just as willing to attempt Diamond Mountain (yes, forget bunny hills when you're trying to be a super hero...) with me!

Let me tell you.  It wasn't entirely the single white female I'm out to kill your rabbit fatal attraction my husband likes to joke about with people we first meet (he's ruthless).  Somewhere deep inside, I knew this was the man God had created for me.

And that started a rather long, at times childish, somewhat ridiculous courtship that lasted until we married in 1996. 

I didn't exactly do it right either, which is why I'm so glad I'm so grounded in my faith today.  I hope to teach my girls (and boy!) the beauty of relationships and give them material that will help them (Jason Evert writes some pretty awesome books about dating/relationships/purity).  I screwed up a lot of things and very nearly messed things up with my future husband.  But I suppose we both did.

But I am deeply, madly, and passionately in love with my husband.  I smile when I see him, I smile when I just hear his voice.  I smile when I just think about him. 

We've been married almost 16 years.  You'd think the honeymoon would have worn off by now, right?  I hope the honeymoon lasts until death do us part, but that doesn't mean our relationship won't have it's up and downs for sure.

Danielle Bean writes a story in a book I'm reading called, "Sex, Style, & Substance."  In it she talks about how madly in love she is with her husband, but it doesn't mean there won't be bad days.  Like the argument over who was supposed to pay the phone bill.  How she didn't speak to him for quite some time, or how one Sunday driving home from Church, her husband thought of a wonderful gift to give her by telling her she should get her hair done one day that week and she, in true woman fashion, heard, "You're starting to look a little frumpy, why don't you go clean yourself up a bit and make yourself presentable?" 

That's totally me!! 

But her story was a reminder and also a nice glimpse into another very faith filled couple who struggle with day to day life just my husband and I do. 

I still hold hands with my husband every chance I get.  I still get a warm fuzzy feeling when I hold his hand.  But it comes with work.  It comes with working together and making the relationship fresh and new everyday.  And it comes with the biggest commitment you can make in a relationship:

To communicate. 

If you don't communicate with your spouse, it will not give you warm fuzzy feelings when you hold their hand.  It will not make you smile when you see them, talk with them, or just think about them.

Communication is key in a relationship.  And I don't mean screaming and yelling communication, although that is a part of it sometimes, but it's talking, praying, being intimate with one another.  Sharing secrets, dreams, goals, plans, ideas.

Giving everything you have to the one you love.  Gift of self.  Completely.

My awesome wonderful hubby and I practice NFP.  I know what you're thinking, because many of you have verbally said it to us at one point or another, 'well, that didn't work for you did it?'

Contrar mon frair...

It works perfectly. 

Every single child we have both here on Earth and in Heaven were either planned to the day, or at least thought about prior to being together during fertile times.  We both wanted a large family and therefore planned accordingly.  Neither of us realized what God would call us to at this point in our lives, but blessed beyond what we ever dreamed of.   I mean, what is our ultimate goal other than getting each other to Heaven?  Getting our children to Heaven, and we already have 4 of them there. 

It's a way of life I encourage you to try.  NFP is just as (if not more) effective as contraception and doesn't come with all those side affects.  Did you know the CDC says that any amount of time on the pill can deaden your sex drive permanently? 

I can't make this stuff up. 

And I can talk about this because I was on the pill....

But I'm digressing, because I'm passionate about women and our health.  And the pill is not healthy.

But my husband is coming home today.  I am grinning right now thinking about it.

I hope he'll offer to drive when I pick him up from the airport so I can just stare at him and smile and hold his hand....

Told you I was still 18...

Me & my honeybun...

Oh.My.

Today marked a milestone for me. 

No, it's not that my wonderful amazing husband is coming home tomorrow.

No, it's not that I was able to survive almost 8 nights (tonight is #8).

You're never going to guess, so I'll just come out with it.

I unclogged the toilet by myself.

This is huge considering I hate cleaning toilets, let alone taking a n-a-s-t-y plunger that I'm certain has n-e-v-e-r been disinfected in the history of owning it.

I shudder when I think of that.  'blehhhhhhh.'

So yesterday my little 3 year old was in the guest bathroom downstairs when she started yelling for someone to come wipe her.  I was doing something, so I recruited the 12 year old with the honors.  She can't stand that job, but sometimes it's good for her to have that responsibility to remind her that cute babies grow up and do disgusting things that you still have to deal with. (ok, really I'm just very busy being a single parent and needed her desperately...)

The 12 year old starts making all kinds of bizarre sounds, yelling that something like that is impossible to come out of a 3 year old and gagging.  I really can't at this point remember what I was doing, but I was busy enough to not be able to check it out, and I regret that terribly because I'm certain, if it was as much poop as the 12 year old was claiming, that and the fact that it probably took half a roll to wipe the 3 year old probably contributed to the toilet becoming clogged.

By the time I finished whatever I was doing, it was too late.  The funny thing, is neither child told me the toilet was clogged until I tried to use it myself. 

"Oh." The 12 year old says.

So we're on our way to a Baptism.  I tell all the children to not go in the bathroom and use it at all.  I really should have locked the bathroom, or put a chair in front of it, or crime scene tape across the doors because of course, when we finally got home from our busy afternoon/evening last night, unclogging the toilet downstairs was filed away safely in that part of my brain I have yet to be able to retrieve any information from. 

Which means....

When my son woke up this morning and saw that his 12 year old sister had locked the door, he decided to head down to the unlocked, and now very clogged toilet downstairs to handle detail.

Again, no one told me the toilet was still clogged.  So when I went to drop off the laundry in the laundry room next to the bathroom, the stench alone nearly sent me over the edge.  Why do I always have to deal with bathroom issues???

When I quizzed my 10 year old son, he very defensively said he had NO IDEA the toilet was clogged!  He didn't see anything in the toilet! 

Of course he didn't because the white toilet paper was very neatly tucked in at the bottom of his mess, so when he tried to flush an explosion of water and other lovely items swirled about in a fantastic clog.

I hate dealing with clogged toilets.

So, if you hate it to, than you've done what I do.  I go in about every half hour and try to flush it to see if anything has naturally broken down and it's able to swallow it all yet.  (don't be disgusted with me, they DO NOT make toilets like they used to.)  I think the little hole that swallows all the crap (literally) is getting made smaller and smaller-
Anyway-by the time the girls were set to come home, I had to take action.  So I went outside to get the n-a-s-t-y plunger. 

I put the darn thing in the toilet and it took FOREVER to unclog it.  I tried and tried and tried and tried and kept trying.  The toilet was not coming unclogged.  I guess I figured it could stay clogged until tomorrow evening when my hubby got home, but I really get tired of running upstairs to use the bathroom, so I didn't want to quit so soon.

Finally it swallowed it.  The sound of gurgling could be heard as the remnants of yuck finally were sucked down into the abyss of more yuck.

The toilet was unclogged.

But the plunger was still in the toilet and very wet and covered with you know what and quite frankly I did not feel like finding a nasty towel to carry the nasty plunger up to my shower to dry.  So I left it in the toilet. 

I had to eventually move it, because my disgust got the better of me, so it's all taken care of now and I've almost recovered from all the nastiness I've endured the last 8 hours or so...

So there you have it.  Another day in the life of the crazy family up north...

Found this online.  But it's pretty close to what it looked like... ;)

Pilates plus...

Since I'm on a kick with the exercise, I thought I would tell you about my Pilate's experience.  First of all, I am about as flexible as a steel pipe. 

Now that we've established that fact, you can imagine what it looks like when you visualize me bending and twisting into the various shapes and positions of Pilate's.  Not a pretty image, eh?  Yes, the real life image of me isn't either.

So, when we moved, my awesome, wonderful husband bought me the DVD my Pilate's instructor was selling, Pilate's Plus.  Now, if you're from Arkansas and you worked out at Fayetteville Athletic Club before 2010, you know exactly who I'm talking about who teaches it.  Liz.  She is the most flexible person I've ever met in my life.  Seriously, sit on the ground right, now.  Go on, do it.  Now put your legs in front of you straight out.  Go on.  Now bend over and touch your chest to your knees.  I mean, put your face into the cup at middle of your shins.  What?  you can't do that?  Well, Liz can.  And she could probably stand straight up, legs spread apart and bend over and put her head THROUGH her legs and touch her bottom with her hands.  She's seriously flexible.

So when you put a steel pipe in the class of a rubber band, you can imagine it will be entertaining.  I'm sure when I took her class, it was entertaining to watch, but you're sweating so hard and having such a hard time keeping up with her and trying to breathe the right way so you don't faint, you don't really get the opportunity to look around and see all the other pipes trying to bend. 

But when you workout and do Pilate's in your living room on your little Pilate's mat and your children are getting ready for school, or eating breakfast?  They see it all. 

"Mom, that lady can really bend.  Will you ever bend that way?"

"Wow, you're getting better at standing still and not falling over, Mom."

"Whoa-that doesn't look good.  Are you supposed to be so red, Mom?"

Yes, those are just a few of the lovely comments I've heard the last two weeks since beginning my Pilate's regimen.

I am attempting to strengthen my core and I have to admit, I can tell a difference in just two short weeks doing it 2-3 times each week.  It's really amazing how our bodies respond to things like exercise.  I don't ever want to become that person that let's exercise not be a priority.  Unless my hip does me in, I want to at least walk, do Pilate's, attempt jump rope, and maybe even one day run to keep not only my body, because that is only part of it, but to keep my mind going.  I don't exercise to be skinny-I seriously in all truthfulness, exercise for two reasons. 

Are you ready?

1. My mental stability.  (there's a whole lotta crazy in this world)

2.  To be able to eat ice cream.


Hey-ice cream is a definite legitimate reason.

Bet you agree.

Stretch on and get out there and do something for you body, mind, and family.  Exercise!

This is called 100's push ups I believe...I'm usually struggling to get oxygen to my brain at this point, so her words are fuzzy in my head...

This is rolling like a ball.  I've mastered this move...minus the fact that she says you should feel every vertebrae when you roll-not sure I do that well...

Horse stance-this feels good after flexing my spine in directions that are not natural...for me anyway.

Trustful Surrender...

This might be one of my more serious blogs.  I don't usually publish personal information about myself to the global world for all to see, but this one is hopefully a story that others can connect with, too.

I titled it, "Trustful Surrender" because I don't have that yet.  I surrender to God sometimes, but I sure don't trust Him all the time.  And I'm willing to bet, there are more out there that feel the way I do than not.

There are a lot of squirrels going on in my life.  One of my BFF's (I giggle as I type that cause it's so juvenile and that makes me giggle even more because her and I ARE so juvenile when we're together...this is my Casting Crowns and Matthew West groupie sister...) Anyway, one of my BFF's and I always talk about the Squirrels in our life.  Have you ever see the movie,  Up?  The dogs are talking and all of the sudden, "Squirrel."  A squirrel literally distracts them. 

Kinda like the fact that I'm totally getting off my blog title by describing squirrels to you right now...

There is a sugar pot load of things going on in my life right now.  Just to name a few-hubby gone for 9 days, the surgery for my hip was scheduled May 2nd (more on that in a sec), praying about trying for another baby, searching with great desire to find a spiritual director to give me some spiritual direction, and just trying to follow the will of God with my own family and where He wants us to be.

A big issue is my hip.  My hip was injured back in January, right after I had my third miscarriage in 9 months.  I don't think any of my family knows I have had 3, so SURPRISE!  It was very painful after the first one last April and I had miscarried at home and then wound up hemorrhaging and getting rushed to the hospital to have an emergency D&C because my body was having a hard time giving up the baby (funny isn't it?  I didn't mentally want to lose this baby and neither did my body.) So the following two that occurred in August and January were kept on the down low to just very close, personal friends who were there with us through all of it.  And I'll admit it, to those who understand our desire for more children. 

So the hip injury, the miscarriage, all within a week of each other, left me feeling a tad despondent. I didn't know God's plan, but I also felt I couldn't handle it. 

The results of all the hip appointments left me with a hip injection and surgery scheduled and the planning of another baby on the back burner until end of summer/early fall at the earliest, maybe later depending on recovery.

I was ok with that.  I am only 39, I know people who are MUCH OLDER who have had children and done really well and I thought to myself, "ok, Lord, this is just another bump on the highway of life, we can do this, and be back at the baby making process once again."  I will admit, the baby making process is pretty darn fun...  sorry, TMI, I know...

Well, about a week ago, I had blood work done to go along with my complete physical next week to be cleared for this pretty intense surgery. 

I had at least 10 tests done, because 10 GIANT JARS (or tiny vials) of blood were filled. 

I did not do so well on one of them.  I tested positive for an anti-double stranded DNA.  Now, from what I have gathered from talking with my OBGYN from back home (LOVE HIM!) to talking with the PA at my hip surgeon's office, testing positive means I could have a form of Lupus.  Which is an auto-immune disease that women are more likely to get between the child bearing ages 18-45. 

My OBGYN said that there are a lot of people walking around with double stranded DNA, and they don't have lupus, but my PA said, the hip surgeon did not want to do the surgery at all until we ruled out any kind of anti-inflammatory/immune diseases/issues because it would change what he needed to do for the arthritis.  If it was a form of Lupus-cleaning up the arthritis could just make my hip worse, where as if it wasn't lupus, it would help more. 

Medicine helps Lupus more than anything from what I've read. 

So now, Thursday I see the doctor who will do my physical and decide if she wants me to retake the blood test, or just go ahead and send me to the rheumatologist.  The hip issue is on hold until we take care of this test result.

Which also means the baby making process is on hold until we take care of this test result and then my hip.  Yet postponing to who knows when.

This is all very disheartening as I realize that 1)maybe we will not be able to have any more children and 2) I am having a hard time trustfully surrendering to accept all of this.  It's a tad overwhelming.  Like being on an emotional roller coaster. 

God is in charge.  And He speaks to us everyday, multiple times a day.  I'm very serious.  If we were to really quiet our hearts and listen, meaning turning off ALL SOUNDS, really becoming in tune with our prayer to Him, He really does speak to us.  Maybe not in an audible voice, but He speaks to us in our hearts.  Our hearts can give us the answer we are seeking.  Especially when we go to Mass and receive the Eucharist.  Which I have tried to do several times this week because I've been a little out of whack with my hubby being gone.

So today was no different.  I went to Mass (I'm indebted to my BFF for watching my obstinate little 3 year old princess) and I got so much out of it.  We have a really great 'new' priest, I say new because he's older than me (ok, only a year older)but has only been a priest for a year in a half.  He's hysterical and my kids love him and my husband loves him, he's just a great witness to the faith.  Anyway, this priest was offering this Mass at noon and his homily nearly knocked me out of my pew. 

I'm not kidding.  He was talking about quotes and how much he loves quotes and he was doing an Iron man and was wondering how on earth he was going to finish it.  It's intense-and he thought he couldn't do it.  He said, "I can't."

A friend of his sent him an email that said, 'Instead of I can't, say, How can I?'  How can I do this for you Lord?  Show me how I can do this.  Because I know I can.  I know I can do this.  I know that God will take care of me and my wonderful amazing husband and all my children, the 5 here and the 4 in Heaven waiting to greet us, and He will take care of my desires for another child. 

Maybe there is a baby waiting to be adopted.  Maybe there is a woman who wants to give up her child and God will put her in our path.  Maybe there is a surrender I must go through to understand His greater purpose...

Trustful surrender.  I must not just surrender and say, "Ok, Lord.  I give up.  I don't know what you want, and I don't think I can do it, but I'm just going to surrender."  Meaning, I'm just giving up.  That's not what God means by trustful surrender.

It's more than that.  It's surrendering, but it's not giving up.  It's saying, Lord-I'm gonna ease over to the passenger seat now and let you take the wheel for a while.  I'm going to make the best of where we go, seeing all the sights as you drive me around and taking in all the beauty instead of what I think should be happening, being negative and missing out on something I may have never thought about.

It's saying, "Jesus, I Trust in You."  Over and over, and over and over and over again. Saying it a million times a day until you believe it.  Jesus, I believe, help my unbelief. 

God never inspired anyone to write about how wonderful, happy go lucky, thrilled, exciting, super duper awesome great life would be.  Matter of fact, if you read the bible, you'll discover that life is sometimes going to just plain suck.  It will be hard, people will turn against you, the world will hate you, family will leave you, people will die and you might have to endure, matter of fact, no might about it, you WILL have to endure suffering. 

But we can endure those sufferings with a new eye.  In the passenger seat, you always get to see a lot more anyway then when you drive, right?  That's what I'm talking about.  Even though there is a ton of suffering, not just in your own life at times, but you gotta admit, there is a lot of suffering all around us, and we know people who have had to deal with far worse things than us and yet, there is something about them, that inspires us to want what they have.  They have some sort of peace, they aren't taking anti-depressants, or popping anxiety pills, or drinking, doing drugs, to cope with what life throws them.

God just might be huge in their hearts.  Maybe they don't even realize how much of a presence God has in their lives...Maybe they do.  But they have surrendered to His greater glory. He is in charge of their lives.

Maybe we should just slide over into the passenger seat for a while.  I know I need to.  I need to trustfully surrender.  It all.  To my Lord.  He won't mind driving the rest of the way home...

God bless you.  Today & always.

I am all that...

One of my pinterest posts...

I'm not really sure what Pinterest started as, or even what it means, but I was snookered into trying it and now I'm painfully addicted.  Not as addicted to it as, say, my coffee addiction, but pretty darn close.  The picture above is one of my latest additions to my "Why I exercise" board.  (please do not ask me what a board is, because I really don't know how to explain it.)  We can discuss Pinterest details in another online journal entry on down the road.

I laughed so hard I almost wet my pants when I first saw this picture.  I really truly, can honestly tell you without a shadow of a doubt that I feel this way and have always felt this way when I run!  I have been running since I was in 3rd grade.  I am now paying the price for that with my hip surgery, but nonetheless, this picture is absolutely hysterically true for me!!! 

I ran competitively from elementary school through my freshman year in college and I still love to run for fun.  Occasionally I'll get back into it pretty consistently and train to run in fun runs, but I really haven't done any extensive training since running the Hogeye marathon relay (where each of us ran 6 miles each-that was about all I am good for in distance...)several years ago.

But when I saw this picture on Pinterest, I had no idea how much attention it would get.  Did you know that almost 500 people have liked it and shared it on their own pinterest boards?  Are you kidding me???  But when you think about it, we all have that mentality when we're doing something we enjoy.  I'm also the same way about basketball-if they make a picture like this with oh, let's say, Candace Parker (former UT lady Vol, Olympic ball player) on top and a little kid like the one at the top of this page, below Candace playing ball-that would totally be me!! 

My hubby would probably suggest Larry Bird on top and a little dorky redheaded kid on the bottom because he knows Larry is my most favorite ball player of all time...

But still-haven't we all at one point been doing something and felt so good, and had those self absorbing thoughts of, "I'm good, I'm good, that's right, that's right." 

I can hear you chanting that right now...

Well, this picture brought back reality to me, cause I'm sure I ran like I was that girl above, but I looked like the child below...

But I felt good, and that's all that counts...  ;)

And Like a Good Neighbor...

Yea, I don't mean State Farm at all, but I thought it was a catchy title to my next blog story... :)

I was mowing my lawn yesterday (remember I'm a single parent for 9 days and the yard is one of those responsibilities of a home owner who doesn't have a disposable income to pay a yard boy to mow it for me, nor am I willing to risk allowing my 10 year old son to attempt his first lawn mowing experience without his father being at least in close proximity of our home in case son tries to mow his foot or a sibling's foot off)and my neighbor was out working in her yard. 

Now, for the sake of those who are worried about me gossiping, let me ease your burden - I appreciate all of my neighbors.  They all have something to bring to the table of life (I thought of that all on my own...)and I'm not going to say anything terrible about her...

But...

My neighbor is a very nice lady, who has an opinion about everything.  Most especially about how I should do my yard.  She's an older lady with grown children and has a yard boy who comes and does her landscaping any time it needs to be done and let me tell you, if I did have a disposable income-I could see myself wasting it on having shrubs moved every year to new locations because the current one doesn't look right, or adding trees, shrubs, plants, mulch, etc., etc.  But as it stands now, I'm the lawn lady for my homestead and I do the best I can under the circumstances-i.e. no disposable income. 

So I'm mowing and I'm lost in thought and suddenly God sent me that little voice in my head.  "Amy, go talk to your neighbor." 

Before you call the department of Health and Human services on me, I promise, I do not really "hear" voices in my head, but I do have that little voice inside that speaks to me on occasion...so I reply back to my voice inside my head,

"I'm really crunched for time Lord, do I have to?" 

"Yes, Amy." 

"Yes, Lord, I suppose that would be the neighborly thing to do."  (you see, my voice in my head is God's, that way, there's more pressure to actually follow through...)

So I reason with myself.  She's raking up the grass left over from her husband mowing the other day.  If she's still within earshot of me as I get to the property line, I'll stop the mower and talk.  Now, mind you, I'm not dreading talking to her because I don't like her, I do like her, she's very nice, but she's very opinionated as I stated earlier and I really was on a crucial timeline.  I needed to get finished!

Well, she was still there when I mowed the back part of the yard...I stopped the mower and said a quick prayer to be kind and charitable and headed over.

And so it began...
Of course there are a few things I need to do to my yard.  I absolutely must do something about the evergreens that are growing crooked because of the wind.  They look terrible, and they're planted too close.  I must call the city and have them replant some of the trees and add another tree in the gap they accidentally left (we get "free" trees on the sidewalk to street part of our yards and I live on a corner lot, so I get LOTS of trees). 

I very kindly nodded my head and occasionally agreed and smiled a whole lot.

I did break it gently to her that my husband and I would be building a swingset for the younger girls sometime very soon, because she always complains about how "junky" people's yards look-and the only "junk" I can see are swingsets-so I wanted her to be prepared for the shock of  junk in my own backyard.  She seemed to take it better then I thought.

Overall, because I really sincerely prayed for a good conversation, it didn't go so bad!  She really means well, but I do have a lot of children and I don't work and my husband is a government employee who does not get raises anymore, so ideally-I would LOVE to what she requests, but realistically-it's out of the question.  I can only do what I can do...

You can see some of my "crooked" ever greens...

But I can have a good attitude when I discuss my yard with her and agree with her and gently tell her that I'm doing the best I can...

It's all we really can do when we're faced with people that don't have the same opinion as us, really.  Getting into a shouting match or a heated argument with someone because you feel your opinion or view on something is superior than someone elses does nothing but cause more anger and resentment with the person you're talking to. 

Talking with my neighbor was a good reminder of that for me.  I was able to witness to her a bit about our faith (we're both Catholic-well 77% of the people up here are, so I'm bound to run into a few of them...)and why I named my daughter after a more recent saint in our Church- St. Gianna Beretta Molla (canonized in 2003 by Pope John Paul II)and she had never heard of her-so that was a highlight and could have been a missed moment had I chosen the easy route of ignoring her and just tossing a wave as I continued to stick to my "crunch time schedule."

I could look at that as a coincidence, or a God moment....

I'll choose God moment...

Have a blessed Wednesday.

A better view of my "crooked" trees...

Jump roping...

My jump rope from Dick's Sporting Goods Store

I bought myself a jump rope.  Now I know what you're thinking-why on earth are you jumping rope when you're about to have major hip surgery?  Well, the doctor gave me no restrictions up to my surgery and all the research I've done indicates that jump roping is actually better for my hip joints than running or bike riding, so why not? 

Well, I'll tell you why not if you need to hear it. 

Oh, I'm not going to stop jump roping, because my heart actually felt like it was going to pound out of my chest for the all of 60 seconds I did it, but I am going to squelch any false ideas you may have been thinking in regards to jumping up and down (for a relatively slow speed) with a rope.

Some people say that doing anything in life is like riding a bike-you never forget.  You can get right back into whatever you stopped doing (within reason)and pretty much not have forgotten how to do it.

I'm not saying I've forgotten how to jump rope, but I will tell you that jumping with a rope as an almost 40 year old, is NOTHING like jumping rope when I was a kid.  Seriously.  I used to jump rope all the time.  Remember the 'teddy bear, teddy bear, jump around, teddy bear, teddy bear, turn around?'  Yea, well, here I was, at Dick's Sporting Goods Store and they don't even call jump ropes for grown ups, jump ropes!  Their called, SPEED ROPES. 

There was nothing related to speed happening in my living room this morning.  It was a bunch of cardiac attacks and rope hitting me in the foot as I attempted to jump rope thinking all the while, "Why is this so hard?"

Seriously.  I had a completely different image of me jumping rope.  I even told my husband, "I'll jump rope for about 20-30 minutes every other day-that will be a superb workout."  I did my research and discovered I shouldn't do the workout in the basement, because I needed a floor that would give (wood), so I just KNEW the family room was large enough and open enough to accommodate my extensive workout.  My husband was not as convinced.  I believe his exact words were, "I don't think you'll be doing 20 minutes to start out with Amy.  I think it's a little tougher than you're thinking."

Why don't I ever listen to him?

I barely made it 30 seconds. 

Are you kidding me?  I seriously missed this workout by a mile. 

I'm so not looking forward to admitting it out loud to the love of my life.  Fortunately for me, he knows me so well that he'll probably just tell me he's proud of my 30 second workout today. 

My heart was up and running pretty intensely, so that does give me hope that once I build myself up to one minute, I'll be doing my heart some good.... and maybe, just maybe, I'll impress my six year old...


Have a great Tuesday!

This is what I thought I would look like...

I was sadly mistaken...


Here is a video of Buddy Lee-he is a master jump roper.  Watch and be amazed...

Day One....

Well, it's day one of nine single parent days.  I am not doing to shabby, but I can definitely tell you that after dropping my hubby off at the airport at 5:50 this morning, I am about to collapse.  I don't think 5:30 should be an hour anyone should EVER have to get up for.  I know it's been almost three years since I had a nursing baby, but I'm terribly spoiled with being asleep when it's dark... and at 5:30am it's VERY DARK.

So far the day (which is only day one of NINE) has gone slightly ok.  I have decided that it never fails that when my sweet, wonderful, handsome hubby goes out of town, I have a schedule crammed full of more activities and obligations in that short time then I do the entire time he's actually IN TOWN!

Today was no exception.  Minus the very early wake up call and drive, I did my Pilate's (I have to do something you know), got the 4 older ones off to school, ran to the store, delivered goodies to a friend, stopped by another friend's house for lunch and to steal her oldest daughter to babysit for me while I took my oldest and my youngest to the doctor for their yearly physical.  Drove her home, fed the natives, shouted at a few obstinate munchkins and now I'm barely able to keep my eyes open as I type this... or dype this as I first typed!

Tomorrow is equally jammed, along with Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Monday and finally, Tuesday of next week, it slows down.  Of course, he comes home Tuesday afternoon...

I'm even too tired to even attempt to be funny tonight...so tomorrow I'll try to blog a tad earlier, or sleep in. 

Amish Country

We saw a similar scene this morning!

Today we took the kids to see an amazing part of New York.  Amish Country.  I must admit, it's a way of life I sure would like to indulge in, especially when I see how much technology affects people, especially my own family.

 When you see an area of the country with absolutely no electricity, horse and buggy's, simple clothing (meaning far less arguments over what to wear, not to mention laundry) and farming fresh produce, you can't help but be drawn to the way of life.  Driving into the community, you're met with young people, children who appeared to be my older two children's age, actively participating in the farming.  They drove the horses who were plowing the fields, they were taking the horse and buggy places, and my kids seeing this was so good!

Again, off the Internet, but we saw several scenes just like this.

It was a fabulous witness to being an active member of your family.  Each farm seemed to have a special trade, from sawmills that produced anything from kitchen cabinets, to bedroom suits, to Adirondack chairs, to the bakers who by the way, made a donut that sold for .80 cents that would put Krispy Kreme out of business, to the rug and quilt makers, the iron workers, the cheese store, the candy store (which sold fudge that was fresh from the hot pot)and the fresh eggs... Oh my.

It was such a treat to see the families!  We stopped at a few places and let me tell you, if you ever get the opportunity to taste (or buy)cheese curds, dear Heavenly Father-what a treat from Heaven they are!!   It's the cheese before the cheese if you will.  Cheese curds are the first pieces in the process of making cheese blocks.  The curds are put together and then aged and sold-but the curds look like small pieces of cheese and they are absolutely DELICIOUS!  I couldn't stop eating them-which is why my sweet hubby bought me a pound of them!

The sweet lady that sold us the Delicious baked good was so quiet.  Her homemade cinnamon roll PIE, was only $3.00 and I'm sure (from the nibble I stole off it) after heating it up a tad in the morning, will make a fantastic breakfast.

The candy lady was more talkative and seemed genuinely tickled that we had 6 children (one of ours brought a friend) and spoke to us about how she had to put a motor into her beater because her shoulder was hurting so badly from beating the fudge by hand.  I know how frustrated I get and I don't make half of what I do from scratch, talk about taking a bite of humble pie!  These people seem so happy!  I really feel it's genuine.  We would wave to the children out working and they would smile and wave.  I almost felt as though I was intruding on their personal lives (but there is a website inviting you to see all they have to offer-I wonder how they got that together without electricity???)

My own children were so amazed by what they saw, that they came home and took a few dirty clothes outside, proceeded to "wash" them in a bucket and try to make a clothesline to hang them on.  Then they put firewood in the fire pit and pretended to cook dinner while a few of them "plowed" the yard with their horse and plow. 

I do try and keep a simple life here at home...but being in Amish country today, makes me want to try a little harder...no more grumbling over that next electronic device (i.e. camera!) when I can't get it...

Did you know the Amish do not let you photograph them? It's against their beliefs.  So is doing any kind of work on Sundays.  Again, I am amazed at their lives...and they have a very strong belief in God and they do believe Jesus Christ is the Son of God and was sent to save them.  I learned a lot about this amazing group and how they cherish humility.  They try to live a simple, humble, but joyful life. 

This is very similar to me how religious orders in the Catholic church operate.  I have always been fascinated with religious sisters and brothers and the "rules" or "ways of life" they operate their day to day lives by doing, or following.  They almost seem to mimic how I found the Amish to live as well. 

I so enjoyed today and can't wait to go back and get some more of those fabulous donuts.  I have made a request to my wonderful hubby that a nice pie safe, or simple china cabinet would be nice as well...

We saw two boys and a little girl this morning, too!  Found this online!

3 Weeks but who's counting...

Calendars are very important to me...

As someone who is notorious for counting EVERYTHING I do, I have a few times that I'm keeping track of.  The biggest one is of course the hip surgery that is scheduled for May 2nd, unless of course I fail the physical in 2 weeks.  I'm not sure why I would fail the physical, because then that would open the door for a whole new gammet of issues, but there is just a tiny little part of me that hopes I do to completely avoid this surgery! (by the way, spell check says 'gammet' is not a word-so that explains even more about me...) Maybe the fact that my heart has been pounding out of my chest and causing me intense anxiety would cause me to fail the physical??  I know, I shouldn't worry, and I am truly the hypocrite when I tell others not to worry but here I am in a near state of panic...

But I really have tried to not be worried!  I have prayed unceasingly for God to remove this stress and worry and let me just relax and trust and I have prayed for my doctor (no, not that he would come down with the flu the day of....although...).  I have really put a lot of effort into my prayer, or so I think.

I am also counting the days until my hubby gets back in town, too.  He hasn't even left yet (yes, I'm that much of a counting nut) but I absolutely can not STAND it when he goes out of town.   This time, of course, there are a million things going on the entire 9 days he's gone.  We have big G's middle school orientation (she starts 7th grade next year), we have religious ed class, we have our marriage group meeting, we have after school activities, doctor appointments for the kids, you name it, it's happening when he's GONE...  That of course does NOT help my anxiety and heart attack-like feeling I get in my chest when I think about all I have to do while he's out enjoying himself at a "training."  OK, he hates it when I say that, while he's out working hard and missing me just as much at a "training."  It almost pained me to write that because of course what I really see is, a maid to clean your room every morning, no one but yourself to get ready in the morning, enjoying taking a class and learning something new, eating out and doing NO dishes...etc. etc.  I do have issues.  I am working on them...

So the counting days are here and to be honest, counting has always helped me get through a situation.  I guess it's my "coping" mechanism if you will?  When I broke my neck the summer after my freshman year in college, I literally X'ed out my calendar and had the number of days until I got the halo off written in red.  I want to say it was something like 103 days?  That was over 20 years ago, so you see how numbers affect me.

So we have 3 more days til he leaves, two weeks until my physical, and 3 weeks until my surgery left.

Good grief.  I might need counseling... :)

Good thing I have my new addiction, coffee and now that Lent is over, I can eat my weight in ice cream again...

Happy Thursday everyone! 

Holy Thursday

Today is Holy Thursday.  I must confess, I think I've had too much coffee today.  Either that, or I'm very nervous about something... And since I can't think of what on earth I could be nervous about, I'm afraid it's the coffee...or at least the caffeine in the coffee...might try decaf next...

So, as I tried to state earlier, today is Holy Thursday.  The day when Jesus gathered his disciples together to not only break bread with, establishing the Eucharist that we celebrate every day in our church together, but to also wash their feet.  Now, for Jesus to wash his disciples feet was no easy task.  Back in Jesus' day, it was custom for the servants to wash the feet of guests because of course, there was no paved road and some didn't even wear shoes let alone the sandals that surely did not keep dirt out. 

Jesus washing the feet of His disciples.

So it was the job of the servants of a particular house to wash guests feet. 

Jesus was not a servant, so when the disciples saw Jesus washing one anothers feet, they were puzzled.  Why on earth would this man, who claimed to be the Son of God, stoop to such a dirty task? 

Exactly the same reason that He was born in a yucky old cave like barn in a manger that unlike the lovely creche's portray, was a glorified feeding trough for animals that stunk like you know what and were probably not the neatest eaters...

A God who humbles Himself before His disciples and washes their feet, is the same God who allowed Himself to be scourged at the pillar, a "halo of thorns smashed into His head, was made to drag a portion of His cross around town for all to see, and then was nailed to a cross for one thing.  To save each one of us so that... "who ever believes in Him may not perish but may have eternal life."  (John 3:16)

Along with washing their feet, Jesus also instituted the Eucharist at that Last Supper.  The very words from the bible are the very words the priest proclaims 'in persona Christi' at Mass every single day. 

I don't know about you, but I've heard people say if Jesus wasn't the real deal, than He was a madman. 

I choose to believe he was the real deal, myself...

Jesus celebrating the Eucharist.

ME-isms...

This is perfect for me today...

Since I don't publish my children's full names on my blog-you'll have to just understand these are the lovely antics my little ME gets into and has brought me so much joy and happiness through the last few months of her life...  If her name were Annure, it would be called Annur-isms... get it?  Yes, I thought of that all by myself...

So my 3 1/2 year old (who will be 4 in August) has been diagnosed with a new problem called "Massive Tantrumitis."  This so-called condition, is brought on by several factors.  I shall list them...
1. Not getting her way.
2. Not getting what she wants.
3. Having to leave a friend's house earlier than she had planned. (aka-not getting her way)
4. Not buckling herself into her seat belt properly.
5. Not getting to ride in certain parts of the grocery cart.
6. Not being allowed to put her window down in the car and sticking her hand, or various other objects out the window.
7. Not eating her breakfast.
8. Not picking up her toys.
9. Not getting her water bottle when asked.
10. Not putting her shoes up when she takes them off...

Now, I probably could list about 200 other things that set this new condition off, but for the sake of time (remember, we're both wasting precious amounts of that while I write and you read) I'll leave the top 10 and go from there...

You're probably wondering what happens when the factors are brought on...I'm so glad you asked.  I will tell you.

She turns about 5 shades purple/red and begins to scream and carry on at the top of her lungs.  At some point, she nearly gags herself, upon which I tell her if she pukes, she's cleaning it up because I don't do puke illness very well, let alone puke brought on by tantrums.  She will begin to wail that her legs are hurting and she can't pick anything up.  She will throw things, including grape tomatoes, that make a lovely mess in the middle of the cereal isle.  She will try to embarrass me as much as possible so that if this were not my 5th child, I could never venture in public again...Little does she know this ain't my first rodeo...  She will tell you she is too tired to pick her clothes, shoes, water bottle, toys, whatever it is you've asked her to pick up and begin to melt into the carpet, grocery store floor, car seat, floor of van, or garage floor.   It's quite fascinating.  I've almost decided to sign her up for a case study so she can be one of the first the cure might be made available to...

I'm not sure if there is a cure, except that at some point in all five of my children's lives, they've all done this.  And the funny thing is, rarely is it the terrible twos.  More often than not, it's been the trying three's. 

I will try to find a picture that captures the true essence of what I experience on almost a daily basis in my home, at the store, at friend's homes, in parking lots, walks, and most places her and I venture these days...

It still won't do it justice.  I don't even think crayola could make the color her face gets... 

This doesn't hold a candle to her...